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Tomas hesitated, then shook his head. “Do it for me, Cat. I want to see you. All of you.” He removed his hand, threw the blanket off completely, and stroked himself, his eyes glazing over with need.
“All of you.” Cathal licked his lips, needing to touch and taste. He quickly used two fingers to extend the elastic of his boxers, letting them slide off him to pool at his feet. Bending over, he kissed Tomas, deepening it as Tomas pulled him into an embrace and onto the bed. A wave of love and desire washed over him. Cathal wasn’t sure whether the emotions were his or Tomas’s or a combination of both. He didn’t care. He wanted this man so badly, his beloved, his mate.
“I want you.” Tomas ran his hands over Cathal’s back and sides, touching him, caressing him. He wrapped his legs around Cathal’s and threaded the fingers of their left hands together. “I love you, Cathal Emerys.” He whispered a familiar phrase, his breath hot against Cathal’s ear. When Cathal had taken the codename as leader of the resistance, he would have never believed how hearing it spoken by Tomas in this way could sound so good. “I believe in you, Cat. My dragon.”
Chapter 7
TOMAS reached around for the light switch as soon as he opened the attic door. Cathal had had another nightmare the night before, but it hadn’t woken him. Holding him close and whispering reassurances seemed to help, but they seemed to be getting worse, not better. This damn portal and the bloody enchantment connected to it needed to go away sooner rather than later.
When Cathal had woken, it was later than he usually did, and he was tired. Sleep wasn’t refreshing him as much as it should. Part of the enchantment, he’d said with a shrug when Tomas had expressed his concern.
Then he’d talked about the attic, and needing to show Tomas something important. Tomas inwardly rolled his eyes at the memory of the abrupt change of subject. It wasn’t subtle in the least, but part of him suspected Cathal wasn’t trying to be.
In some ways, that worried him more.
“You okay?” Tomas frowned when Cathal shivered. It was difficult to see the expression on his face in the dim glow the low wattage light bulb provided. This was a place mostly forgotten by time, yet it held memories for both of them. It was where Tomas had found the letters Alice had left for Christian, hoping for a clue as to Cathal’s whereabouts. How much had it changed since Cathal had lived here before?
The furtive glances and brief wistful expressions that faded quickly all gave away Cathal’s struggle to mesh his memories of that time and how the inn looked now, however much he claimed he was okay with it.
“I’m fine.” Cathal crossed the floor and opened the curtains. The sunlight immediately made the room feel more welcoming. “It was my idea to come up here. We used to spend a lot of time here.” He glanced at the piles of boxes and newspapers and the rack of old clothing. “It’s changed so much.”
“Things do, love. I’m not sure any of us are meant to stay the same.”
“I know.” Cathal peered out the window. “Alice always kept everything clean and tidy. She’d be pleased that it still is,” he said, almost absently. He wriggled the stiff metal latch and got the window open, leaning out to breathe in the fresh air and the scent of the roses that climbed the side of the building.
“Seeing you by the window like this reminds me of Alice’s sketches. Not just the ones of you and Christian that Wynne showed me but also the watercolor of you under the tree.” Tomas wrapped his arms around Cathal, nuzzling the side of his neck. “Just for a moment, I felt as though I was watching you as you were all those years ago, rather than as you are now.”
Hanging in the hallway on the second floor was one of Alice’s paintings. Cathal had reacted with shock when he’d first seen it, as it had brought home how much time had passed since the day she’d worked on the preliminary sketches for it. It was of two figures under the old oak, caught in the dusky hues of twilight. Images of himself and Christian that were now just glimpses of shadows left behind long ago.
“I used to spend a lot of time by this window,” Cathal recalled, leaning back into the embrace. “I had a rocking chair that sat in this spot so that I could read but still look out the window.” He tilted his head back, brushing his lips against Tomas’s. “I used to watch Alice and Christian together and wonder if I’d ever find someone. I didn’t begrudge them their love for each other, but it often brought home the fact I was alone and hadn’t met the person I wanted to be with.”
Tomas returned the kiss, deepening it, reassuring Cathal with his actions that he no longer had that future ahead of him. “You said last night you wanted to show me something up here. We can leave it for another time if this place is bringing back too many memories.”
“Not all the memories of that time are sad, love.” Cathal smiled. “It was a good year before the Falcons came for us, peaceful, as though all was almost right with the world.”
“You don’t regret that time you had, do you?”
“No.” Cathal shook his head. “Neither does Christian. Looking back, I think we knew right from the beginning that it was only a matter of time before the Falcons came after us. I wish there had been a way to prevent that, but there wasn’t.” He stilled in Tomas’s arms. “I want us to have that happy ending they couldn’t.”
“As I said last night, Cat, I’ve been thinking about that.” Tomas tightened his embrace around Cathal’s waist. The long conversation they’d planned hadn’t really eventuated. After dinner they’d shared a shower, which had led to more lovemaking, and both of them had drifted off to sleep entwined around each other. Cathal seemed to sleep better that way, apart from those damn nightmares, and already Tomas didn’t want to go back to sleeping alone. “I don’t want to keep going around in circles or living our lives in fear of something that might not happen.”
“There’s no way of predicting the future, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t be prepared.” Cathal was obviously not ready to give up carrying his knife just yet.
“And there’s no way that I’m going to sit back and let those Falcons take you again and not be able to follow you.” Tomas scowled, not wanting their conversation to lapse back into this bloody topic yet again.
“So what are we going to do about it?”
“I want you to carve another flute, like the one I used to open the portal last time.” From what he gathered, the portal between their worlds needed some kind of key to access it. It made sense, or otherwise there would be nothing to stop someone stumbling across it. Alice hadn’t had one or she would have followed Christian, and Tomas sure as hell wasn’t going to be left without one again. “I lost the one you left when Deryn burnt my clothes. It was in my pocket.”
Cathal frowned, his eyes narrowing. “I didn’t know Deryn burnt your clothes.” Deryn had drugged Tomas’s drink, and when he’d regained consciousness he’d found that his clothes were gone. She’d seemed amused by the whole situation, and instead of returning the clothes he’d been wearing, supplied him with what was normally worn in Naearu. To top it off, she’d also commented about how well the form-fitting trousers, loose shirt, and boots suited him. The way she’d looked at him had made Tomas very uncomfortable. It was one thing for Cathal to like the outfit, but her…. He shivered. The woman had an air about her that implied that she was used to getting what or whom she wanted. “What else did she do to you that I don’t know about?”
“Apart from drugging me, tying me up, and trying to use me to get you to bed her?” Tomas didn’t bother to try and hide his anger. Not about what had been done to him, but more that she’d had the nerve to try and use him to get Cathal to give her what she wanted. “That about covers it, I think. I still can’t get my head around the fact that you used to be friends with that fucking bitch and she thought there was even a chance of you wanting to marry her.”
“Deryn was not always like she is now, Tomas. We grew up together, and it wasn’t only her who presumed we would marry. She sees you as competition for something she perceives as hers. Ar
ranged marriages are common in our world amongst those of our standing.” Cathal studied the floor. “Continuing the bloodlines of the mages is considered far more important than marrying for love. If I marry a―” He flinched as he spoke the word and didn’t look at Tomas. “―commoner, I am supposed to ask for a special dispensation. It is very rarely given.”
“You should be able to marry whomever you want.” Surely Cathal didn’t believe in this crap? There was another part to this that didn’t need saying. If they were so worried about the continuation of these bloodlines, Tomas being a commoner was the least of it. Applying for a dispensation would be a waste of time, as they would never condone Cathal marrying another man.
“I intend to.” Cathal looked up and met Tomas’s glare directly. “Once a marriage has taken place, the king cannot annul it.” His voice softened. “He will be angry, but I don’t care. I love you, and I’m not about to let some antiquated law prevent me from becoming your husband.”
“Good.” It was probably a good thing that Tomas would never get to meet this king, as he would be sorely tempted to give the man a good piece of his mind. Tomas ran his fingers through Cathal’s hair, quiet for a moment. He knew Cathal well enough to know the wording he’d used was deliberate, that this would be perceived as him becoming Tomas’s husband rather than the other way around. But surely it meant the same thing? “If he’s going to get pissed off at this, Cat, it’s got to be at both of us.”
Not that they would be returning to Cathal’s world anytime soon, but Tomas felt the need to make that clear, just the same.
“You will have the flute as soon as I am able.” Cathal took Tomas’s hand in his, kissing his palm. Fear brushed against him, an emotion that he knew wasn’t his own. “Do not use it unless it is necessary. The portal is still open, and we do not want to light a figurative fire to show the Falcons where we are.”
“I’m not an idiot, Cat.” Tomas didn’t appreciate having the obvious spelled out to him. He knew the portal was more than just a figurative door between their worlds, although he still pictured it as one. For the moment it was slightly ajar, rather than completely open or closed, but that crack was all that was needed for someone with the right “key” to gain access and pass through. Cathal had explained that the only way to stop the enchantment binding him and Christian was to construct the magical equivalent of a brick wall over it so it could not be used as a doorway again. It would close the door completely, severing the enchantment at the same time. “The last time I blew into one of those things I found myself in another world with no clue how to find you or get back. This time I want instructions, as there’s no way in hell I’m going through that again.”
“I wasn’t intending to give it to you without telling you how to use it. There is no point.” Cathal had not been happy when he’d discovered Tomas had found it the last time. It had fallen from his pocket when the Falcons had taken him, and Christian had made sure it was left behind before following his cousin through the portal into Rhosynoak. “I will also draw you a map so that you can find your way to Rhopryd if you need to.”
“That’s where your family is?” Tomas was still trying to get the geography of the place straight in his head. Naearu was the name given to the world itself, while Rhosynoak and Rhopryd were place names, although Rhosynoak, where the portal entrance was, appeared to be situated on the outskirts of the Emerys’ land.
“Yes. They would always help you, especially as you wear the pendant. They will see it and know you are my betrothed.”
Tomas’s hand went to it, his fingers caressing it as he always did when it was mentioned. It was a reassurance this was real. Part of him still expected to wake up and find Cathal and all of this was a dream, rather than the reality he so badly wanted. “What happens when we are married? Does this work as a wedding ring too?”
“It can if you wish.” Cathal smiled. “In my world, some choose to wear a ring when they are married, but others do not. The pendant is a sign of both betrothal and marriage. You are my mate, Tomas, and we have already consummated our relationship. The ceremony itself is merely a formality in this case, although some might argue that.”
“I see.” Tomas chewed over this new information, and the implications that came with it. “If we were to marry in this world, would we be considered married in yours?”
“It does not matter where the vows are exchanged, Tomas. As long as there are witnesses who can testify that it has happened, it is considered binding.” Cathal shrugged. “Some choose to marry with a mage present, others do not.”
“What about Alice and Christian? If there were witnesses, that would prove they did get married, wouldn’t it? Do these witnesses have to sign something? That’s how it works here.”
Cathal glanced toward the open door before replying. He lowered his voice. “Alice and Christian did not marry, Tomas. They planned to, but the Falcons came before they were able.”
“That can’t be right.” Tomas shook his head, not wanting to believe what Cathal had just said. “Alice referred to him as her husband in the letters she wrote to him, and I found her wedding dress.”
“She kept it?” Cathal let go of Tomas’s hand, taking a step back. His expression flattened, as though he was withdrawing into himself or losing himself in the memories of whatever had happened that day.
“Cat?” Tomas spoke very softly, almost a whisper.
Cathal shook his head. “It wasn’t supposed to be so long ago,” he whispered. “It still feels like yesterday. I can see it so clearly when I close my eyes, feel….” He trailed off, shaking. Tomas felt tears well up in his own eyes, the echo of raw emotions that weren’t his, almost manifesting in physical pain. “Alice….” Cathal’s voice broke. “Oh, Tomas. I tried to stop the Falcons, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t.”
“Do you want to tell me what happened?” Tomas hesitated, not sure whether Cathal wanted to be held or not, as he’d been the one to put the physical space between them. If the situation were reversed, he’d let go completely once he was in Cathal’s arms, trusting Cathal was there for him.
“They were going to be married the next day. Everything was planned. I was going to be witness for Christian, and Rachel for Alice.” Cathal sat down on the floor, turning his back to the window. “I was looking out this window, and I saw the Falcons.” He glanced over his shoulder quickly, then back again. “I don’t want that to happen again. Not now, not ever.” His next words were spoken very quietly. Tomas had to strain to hear them. “I tried to convince them to take me, to leave Christian, but they wouldn’t.” He bit his lip. “I only managed to buy them enough time to say good-bye. Alice was crying. She wanted them to face whatever happened together.”
“She got left behind.”
Cathal nodded slowly. “I don’t know what Christian said to her, but he surrendered soon afterward. He gave himself up to save her.” He traced one of the knots in the wood of the floor with his finger, around and around, repeating a circle that had no beginning and no end.
“It’s in the past, love,” Tomas said softly. “It’s not going to happen to us.” Who was he kidding? It already had, except they’d been lucky and he’d had a way to follow. Alice hadn’t. She’d spent years wondering, hoping that Christian would return to her and doing what she could to protect their child.
“It’s not going to happen to us,” Cathal repeated. His finger stopped. He clenched his fist, making a frustrated noise.
“You haven’t spoken of Rachel before.” Tomas wasn’t about to change the subject completely, but sidestepping might hopefully distract Cathal, even a little. Crouching down, Tomas hesitated for a moment before continuing into a sitting position, although he was still careful to keep some space between them. “I’ve heard the name before, though. I’m sure I have.”
Bloody hell. He wanted to take Cathal into his arms, hold him tightly, and reassure him that everything was okay. These damn Falcons needed a good kick up the arse.
“She was Al
ice’s friend, one of the few people from the village that we got to know. Most kept their distance, although….”
“Although?”
“After the fire, they were a lot friendlier. It was as though it built some bridges between us. No one apart from Alice knew the truth about where we were from, though. It was safer that way.”
Fire? What fire? Oh, to hell with this. Tomas slid one arm around Cathal, holding him close. If he wanted some space between them, he could damn well say so.
“Mrs. O’Neil told me that no one had ever seen Christian, that he didn’t exist.” Tomas didn’t know what to believe. “Yet you’re saying that some of the locals had met both of you.” A thought struck him. “So why didn’t you go to them for help?”
“There wasn’t time. Everything happened so quickly.” Cathal’s head came up. There was an edge to his voice, a mix of unease and not quite anger. “Don’t you believe me?”
“What?” Tomas stared at him. What the fuck was Cathal thinking that he had to ask that? So, okay, he might have sidestepped the truth a few times at the beginning of their relationship, but that didn’t mean that Tomas didn’t trust him or believe in him. He would have hardly followed him through the bloody portal otherwise. “Of course I do! I’m just wondering what Mrs. O’Neil is playing at, that’s all. And she has the nerve to go on about the importance of doing research. How the hell are you supposed to do that when people aren’t being honest with you?”
“Sometimes stories are told to protect the truth. They grow over time, and very few know the difference between the story and the reality behind it.”
“Like the theory that most myths and legends have a basis in fact?”
“Yes, except in this case I doubt that anyone apart from Alice knew exactly what that truth was.” Anger blazed in Cathal’s eyes. “She let herself be perceived as crazy, Tomas, to protect us, to protect him. It should have never come to that. Never.”